Smile

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Enough is enough!Im like so totally sick of being a loser..im juz pathetic..a coward making excuses for my failures and flaws..i mean everyone has something bad going on in their life that they have no control over..but do they wallow over it and refuse to move on..of coz not..but not me..i have spent more than half my life waiting for my life to change for the better..and it still hasn't..i cant wait anymore..im gonna change it and im gonna do it my way..no more doubts and hesitancy..i can only depend on myself and dammit i will discover myself again and pave my own way to success...FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!

Wasted potential..Thats what lotsa people have been in regards to me for close to 10 freaking years..i act like i don care..its my potential..so i can do what i bloody please about it..so mind your own business and shut ur goddamm trap about it..but deep down..it really hurts..i call people who worked hard for their results LOSERS..they are dumb..thats why they have to work so hard..not me..im smart and i can always do it if i want to..in truth..i admire them for having the discipline,perseverance and determination to succeed..i resent them for i wished i had those qualities in me too..but i don't..i act as i don care about my studies..yet..why do i always compare my score to others and feel terrible when i fail..i believe i am superior to others in terms of intellectual capacity but am i really?Im just a person to be pitied who's living in his own delusions and clinging to past glories..im afraid to try..for i have no talent..nothing but empty pride of times that have long gone..its now or never..i have to take the risk..come what may..i have to try..to rediscover myself..to explore my potential and most of all..to love myself again..

I remember a time when my report cards were filled with glowing comments by my teachers and how i loved going to school..when i need not go with my parents for PTD to hear what my teachers have to say about me for they have nothing to complain about and much to praise me about..when i didn't even thought of going to see a doctor to get valid leave from going to school..when pe was delightful for it was a chance for bonding, fun and laughter and homework was pleasant to do..when i had no worries..a happy-go-lucky boy loved by his friends..where is that boy now?did he really exist?i miss him..

Im trying this year..yet its so freaking difficult..The long years of having not use my brain much has certainly extracted a high price from me..my brain is rusty from being left to rot somewhere in the almost empty shell i call a skull..wats more..my foundations are like really weak and it may juz crush any time..sometimes..i juz wanna give up..but i cant..i wanna prove to myself that i can do it again..that it is still somewhere within me to excel and that it wasn a fluke..i have no choice aniwae..if i fail again..im juz doomed for life..

Im on my way there..im passing up all my hw for the 1st time in my life..though im still not studying..going for pe eventhough im still adamant at not playing group sports..and my teachers have nothing bad to say about me..cept that i should take better care of my health and study..but they are confident of me getting promoted the way i am now..juz not confident i will do well for my A..but they assure me..if i wanna do it..i can get A's for their subjects..so yeah..i will study 30 mins per day coz i promised mr lim,my chemistry teacher that i will do so..coz chemistry is my fav subject and he is my fac teacher this yr..plus i wanna take h3 chemistry!=D

cya!its 1.30 in the morning..gotta sleep..have mathematics ca tomorrow morningT_T

8:01 PM ; smile'

thePROFILE;

Name: Herman
Clique Title: The Bitch XD
Age: 18+
Birthday: 22 August 1989
Horoscope: Leo
School: Elias Park->Victoria school->Yishun JC

theLOVE;

People i love:
My Family...
-mama
-Older Sister(Dahliah-Katak)
-Younger Brother(Ardhi-Kiki)
-Younger Sister(Amirah-Momo)
-Granpa
-Grandma(departedT_T)
-Aunty Yati
-My maid(Tante)
My Clique...
*Mubaraq(Mubs-The SLUT)
*Nur M.(Mat-Fat2)
*Ernest(Ernie)
*Daniel(Dan"Knight")
*Ken(The Flash Bomb)
*Sadik(The Blind)
*Karthik(The Dog)
~Roy(My Oldest Best Friend)
~Kia Yong(My gege=D)
~All My Friends^____^
Hobbies:reading, sleeping, shopping, swimming, badminton, gaming, chit-chatting..got alot more=X

theHATE;

I HATE MYSELF!!!

theWISH;

(1) My loved ones to be happy and in good health=D
(2) Promotion to jc 2 this yearT_T
(3) 7A's for A lvls(5 more to go!!!)
(4) An i-phone =X
(5) Bag similar to my current 1..brown,canvas and leather blend:)
(5) Becoming a better person-_-
(6) Making a difference with my life^_^

theCHATTERBOX;

theEXITS;

April
Melissa
Jie Ying
Lynnette
Shamine
Chervonne
Phyllis
Jerene
Ms Denise Ong
Nurayn
127 Class Blog
Weiwen
Daniel
Billy
Liak Y.H.

thePAST;

theMUSIC;

ur music code here

theCREDITS;

host: blogger
blogskins
brushes : x o x
picture: deviantART
designer: winter min
pls do not remove the credit.