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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Blah...so many people complain that i never update my blog ler..well..sorry la..but how am i supposed to know that people wanna read when no one tags..humph..oh well..since i finished writing in the card kia yong made for melissa ler and im kinda free(actually i got alow hw..but well..as my friend wei ting used to say..."relack la mun..can always do homework later...at most also copy la"...(he damm basket..always making fun of me coz i always procrastinating and at last resorting to copying to escape being scolded))lolx..like maths ah..so many brackets..but this time no need follow bodmast rule and do inner brackets first..aniwae..the card damm cute la..really one of a kind de and no..its not because kia yong my friend thats why i say this..u juz have to see it to noe wat i mean..lolx...maybe melissa will take a pic and send it to me so i can upload it..=D

Yay..tomorrow is melissa's birthday=D..haha..i planned like a month in advance for her birthday..coz she is my fav gal outside my class..and well...despite us not ever being in the same class or in contact with each other for more den 10s in school..its like a hi and bye kind of thing..we remained good friends=D..heh..i still remember the first time i saw her..i tot she was the most attractive gal in yjc..i think i had a crush on her then=X..and nvr did i tot that we would even like know each other exist..but well..we became more den juz acquaintances..she was the only gal who entertained me by playing the "Hi" game which everyone thought was damm childish coz whoever said hi first when seeing the other wins..lolx..but my classmates helped by telling me wenever they see her..so i will win..but dumb2 gobi always helped melissa..so not fair la..i always surrounded by my classmates..so easy to spot me..cheat2..heh..i bet my classmates wanted to play too..but they juz wanna act cool and uninterestedXD

Heh..i dunnoe if u noticed but lots of people we deem friends..we rarely interact with outside of school,working place,cca..wateva...its like we only remember they exist coz we have to interact with them given the forced situation..so can we call sum1 a friend knowing that when school is over..the "friend" will be "forgotten"?sure2...lots of poeple say friends forever..but please..reality check here..an example..u noe..say u damm bloody close to ur p6 class in ur opinion and graduated with em and stuff..but isnt it awkward when u meet up now..they have changed and so have you and there is lil in common now if there ever was..a paradigm u might say of friendship...friends forever only applies to true friends..by true friends i mean..friendship at a lvl where constant interaction is no longer necessary to maintain it..long periods of silence while in each other's company is not uncomfortable or awkward but pleasant..there is no need for facades to impress or hide one's flaws,just being ourselves and lastly to know without a doubt that should one ever need help..the friend is there=D

Mel is one of my true friends..in front of her..i have no need for facades..i would like to say that we click exclusively but im discrediting her..she juz has this brilliant personality that draws others to her..have u ever watched a moth and a flame and how attracted the moth is to the flame..to the point of it getting burnt and dying..thats how mel is..except that she isn a flame..she is like the sun..warm and comforting but never deceitful enough to take advantage of the trust others place in her like the flame did to the moth..

heh..she is extremely popular in school..though the jc1s dunnoe her and some saying she not pretty like my classmates..coz they asked me who i e.c in school..den the only person is melissa lor..but who cares what they think..i never loved someone for their looks..i love them for their personality and character..joel,kia yong,my 127 classmates,my clique..i love them all...unpolished jewels thats what they are..one only has to spend some effort to see beyond the first impression and get to know the sparkling and unique individual within..

i remembered thinking that i may have fallen again..coz i fancied myself in love with kia yong..i was scared..i nvr want to be confused and vulnerable again..like i did with joel..i couldn talk to my 127 classmates seriously about it coz they wouldn understand despite them loving me and me them coz we already have preconceived notions about each other that will be a herculean task to change and so i found myself talking to melissa about it..she was all i could want in a confidante..non-judging and non-pitiying..well..a huge plus is that ky and her are friends too..so she knew what i was talking about..she listened attentively to my flood of emotional story telling and compared it to my experience with joel..there were many parallels between both cases and she pointed it out to me..meaning that i love kia yong the way i love joel..haha..i was saved..i love em like brothers(so people..im straight!yes ah!so ppl hu tink im lusting over ky..ur so dead wrong!..waa haaa haaaXD)..well..joel is already my ge-ge...heh..and at that moment..i realized i loved melissa like i would a sister..

Lolx..last paragraph..i bet u readers are already cursing me for writing yet another long and boring post..like wat a total waste of time reading right?haha..aniwae..im a sentimental and sensitive fellow who has always placed stock in emotions..hell..i was sobbing like i juz got dumped when i watched only the first episode of gokusen..how lame is that..and juz for the record..i haven got dumped before..coz im not even attached before..haha..my point is that im really touched for last wednesday melissa walked me to the mrt station from school eventhough she had to walk back alone coz she had cca..i was like so happy my face was plastered with a grin the entire journey back home to pasir ris from yishun..and yes...this is despite the train being freaking crowded and i had to stand..lolx..this coming from a boy who don mind waiting for 4hrs doing nothing for a double deck bus so it wont be crowded and to get a seat..haha..HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!..Love ya!=D

9:39 PM ; smile'

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Enough is enough!Im like so totally sick of being a loser..im juz pathetic..a coward making excuses for my failures and flaws..i mean everyone has something bad going on in their life that they have no control over..but do they wallow over it and refuse to move on..of coz not..but not me..i have spent more than half my life waiting for my life to change for the better..and it still hasn't..i cant wait anymore..im gonna change it and im gonna do it my way..no more doubts and hesitancy..i can only depend on myself and dammit i will discover myself again and pave my own way to success...FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!

Wasted potential..Thats what lotsa people have been in regards to me for close to 10 freaking years..i act like i don care..its my potential..so i can do what i bloody please about it..so mind your own business and shut ur goddamm trap about it..but deep down..it really hurts..i call people who worked hard for their results LOSERS..they are dumb..thats why they have to work so hard..not me..im smart and i can always do it if i want to..in truth..i admire them for having the discipline,perseverance and determination to succeed..i resent them for i wished i had those qualities in me too..but i don't..i act as i don care about my studies..yet..why do i always compare my score to others and feel terrible when i fail..i believe i am superior to others in terms of intellectual capacity but am i really?Im just a person to be pitied who's living in his own delusions and clinging to past glories..im afraid to try..for i have no talent..nothing but empty pride of times that have long gone..its now or never..i have to take the risk..come what may..i have to try..to rediscover myself..to explore my potential and most of all..to love myself again..

I remember a time when my report cards were filled with glowing comments by my teachers and how i loved going to school..when i need not go with my parents for PTD to hear what my teachers have to say about me for they have nothing to complain about and much to praise me about..when i didn't even thought of going to see a doctor to get valid leave from going to school..when pe was delightful for it was a chance for bonding, fun and laughter and homework was pleasant to do..when i had no worries..a happy-go-lucky boy loved by his friends..where is that boy now?did he really exist?i miss him..

Im trying this year..yet its so freaking difficult..The long years of having not use my brain much has certainly extracted a high price from me..my brain is rusty from being left to rot somewhere in the almost empty shell i call a skull..wats more..my foundations are like really weak and it may juz crush any time..sometimes..i juz wanna give up..but i cant..i wanna prove to myself that i can do it again..that it is still somewhere within me to excel and that it wasn a fluke..i have no choice aniwae..if i fail again..im juz doomed for life..

Im on my way there..im passing up all my hw for the 1st time in my life..though im still not studying..going for pe eventhough im still adamant at not playing group sports..and my teachers have nothing bad to say about me..cept that i should take better care of my health and study..but they are confident of me getting promoted the way i am now..juz not confident i will do well for my A..but they assure me..if i wanna do it..i can get A's for their subjects..so yeah..i will study 30 mins per day coz i promised mr lim,my chemistry teacher that i will do so..coz chemistry is my fav subject and he is my fac teacher this yr..plus i wanna take h3 chemistry!=D

cya!its 1.30 in the morning..gotta sleep..have mathematics ca tomorrow morningT_T

8:01 PM ; smile'

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Hooray!!!Another A!This time for project work!=D..waa kaa kaa..together with the A for MT..2 A's down..another 5 A's to go..Im aiming for 7 A's so i can top YJC and of coz get into law school..though i have to admit..Getting my face plastered onto the walls of yjc for years to come and having a story published about me in the newspapers are incentives enough..hmm hmm..

Aiyah...but i a little bit sad la..i mean...sure i hoped i will get my A's for the subject i took for A lvls when i was in my first year in YJC particularly coz i already got retained so i kinda hoped for something positive to have came out of that year..so that it wasn a total waste..so well..i kinda made a deal with myself that if i got both A's..i will really study like Crap to obtain 7 A's and well..i got it..but in a way i didn want it..coz now i really have to mug for the results i promised myself..no excuses ler..coz god gave me what i wanted..now my turn to fulfill my part of the deal..haiz..bye2 slacker hermanT_T...im gonna die..1st time im actually going to really study in my life..Urgh!!!

On to happier things..when i said i wanted A's to balance out my wasted year..i was wrong..it wasn wasted..given the chance..i will still have chose to retain if only i got to spend 1 year with yjc 127 of 2007..it was in 127 that i met people who really accepted others for who they are..friends who really care and accept each other for who they are despite the teasing and jokes at each other's expenses..i mean..practically everyone in 127 knew about the joel situation and they were ok with it..it was in 127 that i realize that despite differences and sometimes dislike for things inherent in others that juz seem offensive..we can see beyond that and love the person for the positive qualities that far outnumber the negative and become friends that would go the distance for one another.examples readily come to mind..weiwen's house catching fire and helping him clear the mess..helping april escape unscathed from yee kiat..ferdo's scrapbook not to mention the numerous birthday parties we organized for each member of the classXD

Oh yeah..My entire group got an A for project work..which is like a super bonus^___^..coz we like worked really2 hard for pw..i mean sure our classmates said our grp was the best in class..but someties..i wasn so sure..coz sometimes the obstacles seem unsurmountable and we are juz like stucked in a ditch...unable to progress and getting short with another another dues to pw related stress while other groups seem like they are enjoying smooth sailing..we bickered alot and stayed lots2 in school fighting a wearisome battle with sleep trying to complete our annoying wr in the school library..haha..i tink we would have collapsed and given up if our fabulous leader and the man-behind-the-throne..jie ying and ferdo respectively were not around..jie ying wrote each of us a personal letter..telling us not to give up and reminding us that we were the best group around and the A is more or less ours!hell yeah!!lolx..stroking our ego and praising our personal capabilities was a stroke of genius jie ying..lolx..not to mention..u bribing us with swensens,manhattan fish market and oh yah..FULLERTON!!!!Ferdo..lolx..the dictator,slave master,boss..urgh..wateva..he sure was a hard task master..wanting everything done his way and to perfection no less..but its only thanx to him that the job got done..haha..i tink jie ying and ferdo the aspiring politicians will sure become great leaders of countries one day..coz they have a gift of getting people to listen and do wat they want..ferdo bribed us with pizza lolx but the other groups joined us in eating the free pizza coz all of us were friends classmates and staying back together=D

heh..i cant forget my other group mates can i?jerene and shamine were great too!shamine being the only 1 of us daring enough to altercate with ferdon on a constant basis..haha..proud to be a gal she is..haha..i tink secretly she noe ferdo is a sucker for gals and wont dare do anything to her..haha..sly gal..lolx..i tink i wasn the only one who tot she would make a compatible couple with ferdoXD..haha..shamine was always defending me from ferdo and adrian..lolx..hey!..i didn choose to hide behind a gal..she chose to protect me=P..haha..jerene..lolx..she ah..always busy2 with art..den so stress..always cry..haiz..i tink she felt guilty coz she didn really have time to contribute much for pw but hey..it wasn her fault..she did her part and we understood if she had to take longer to finish some parts..heh..but she contributed in other ways..by like giving some really2 great suggestions..our debate styled presentation was her baby^^..lolx..it was certainly an experience doing pw and while it was damm fun it was also damm exhausting..im really glad its over now!we all got an A!waa haa haa!

Heh..YJC did like super well la..51%A,44%B and 5% C..nothing lower then a C..this is like damm bloody good can..coz its like way better den many jcs and higher den national average..plus the year before us only like 15 ppl get A...now 300+..see the improvement..haha..my class no C..all A and B..but like damm sad for lynnette and chervonne la..they like work their asses of but got a B..chervonne was like the best presenter la..she super deserve an A..lynnette practised and practised and improved herself tremendously but wth..its like a serious screwed up la..stupid examiners..shouldn they like review the thing again?

hmm...of my friends ourside class..all did well..melissa got a B..but unlike chev and lyn she like happy about it..melissa is crazy..she everything also ok..aiyah..as long as she happy with her B..i happy for her=D..dammit..evil hidayah got an A..waah..so suay..now i tie with her again..2 A each..no lah..i very happy for her..where got i so bad want ppl to lose so i can win..later dey sad i also sad..i such a softieT_T..nvm..good2..she tie with me right..means we have to challenge again..this time the challenge is who can get more A's and higher A lvl points..damm hard la...waa haa haa..we so competitive..we going to work our ass off to up each other..i cant wait..may the best person win=P..kia yong got an A also..haha..i see him so happy..i think coz he worked damm hard for pw but didn really expect an A coz his language not so strong..he like lil kid like dat..jumping and shouting around with his groupmates over his A..i see him..no choice but to smile..so cute..lolx..humph..i didn do something so undignified like dat..i only approached our teacher miss wong with my grp when she bid us to..and no..we werent holding hands..and we werent like frightened lil kiddies trembling with apprehension...and we were definitely not squealing like2..umm i dunnoe..when she announced our entire group got an A..i admit we high fived each other though..high five is cool ok..

oh yeah..when there's good times..bad times are lurking around the corner..on our way home..we all got scammed..i got scammed the worst..$10 for 2 heart shapped paper clips and 2 tiny paper stars..urgh..i don wanna tink about this ler..so paiseh..bye2!

7:49 PM ; smile'

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Hiya=D..i know it seems as if i have neglected my blog for a long time..but..i was really busy with some other stuff..like altercating with my inner self about my current "crush" for lack of better word bracing myself for another unwanted distraction...so umm yeah..i would like to sincerely apologize to my loyal blog readers for having not updated my blog the past few days...

haha..aniwae..i went night swimming yesterday with my clique members daniel and mubs at the tampines sports complex..it was so much fun..hehe..the clique is consist of 8 of us who are like pactically outcasts of society..we don fit into the usual stereotype and thus we normally don't frequent crowded places like swimming pools..especially swimming pools..coz the stark differences between us and em is made all the more clearer..oh yeah..back to the story..so like there we were changing clothes in cubicles instead of out in the open comforts of the toilet..i mean seriously..i don wanna damage ppl eyes unlike some bigoted freaks with huge drums for bellies,fur for skin and unsightly body parts poking out..urgh..can u imagine the horror of that..yucks..i mean shouldn they have some decency and respect for others..what do u tink the cubicles were erected for?duh!dumbass!argh!!!my eyes!!!..

yeah2..so we stuffed our stuff into the lockers and i provided the 4 x 20cents needed to rent the lockers coz daniel the vain pot had to bring a HUGE bag to accomodate his belongings..it was almost as big as he was..ok..kidding2..daniel don kill me..im gonna say good things bout u too..here goes as promised..daniel that super generous lil army boy bought me and mubs goggles..for FREE!!!yay!!!i love free stuff^___^..it cost more den $20 each...nice boy aint he?there u go..don kill me ler..remember to treat me again hor!

haha..so off we go..me swinging the googles like a bucket on my way to the beach..heh..i tink we were a lil self conscious coz well..our bodies arent exactly beautiful...ok i wont even go for something that good..our bodies arent even average=X..i look like some anorexic kid..mubs looked like the brown juggernaut from the x-men cartoon and daniel..well..he looked like a dwarf..but daniel was the least self conscious..why u ask?well coz..even with clothes on..he is still short???but with clothes on..mubs and i don look so bad=X..i must be in denial..lets skip this..urgh...bottom line is..I WANT MY 6-PACK!!!there..i said it!

oh well...im a lil ashamed to admit this but..we didn swim in the adult pool!DON START BAWLING WITH LAUGHTER!its not coz we cant swim..we all can swim despite years of not swimming..coz evil VS made all of us attain a bronze in swimming at the very least when were in secondary 1..haha..we couldn swim in there coz it was occupied with lil kids training for their certs..haha..so we used the intermediate pool instead..haha..we had great fun splashing water at each other..assuming martial art masters role and fighting underwater and competed in swimming..haha..the only style of swimming we remembered and could execute somewhat was the froggy style..my fav 1^^

heh2..mubs also attempted to be a surfboard and dove underwater so that daniel could stand on him..haha..he barely lasted a sec before he toppled off..lolx...those losers!=P..heh..we played fetch..them throwing my googles here and there and we rushing off to fetch it..i lost repeatedly..i mean..Hello..im the 1 with no googles..i cant see..then again..even with goggle i can only see like 3 metres or so clearly..haha..we also impressed the other patrons of the complex who were not swimming with our varied style of swimming..we did butterly..froggy..doggy and any style we could think of..haha..unknown to them only our upper half mimed the styles..we were walking underneath..hehe=P..i don tink we can progress across the pool if we didn cheat=X

For our grand finale at 9pm..we did a cannon ball before being promptly chased out of the pool..oh well..they didn manage to stop us from doing that..so there!..haha..we changed and thankfully no flashers coz most everyone departed already before departing for tampines interchange to meet up with ernie and sadik..haha..they are clique members too...i miss my clique so much..we all at different institutions and some in army..haha..sadik and ernie had such a long and tiring day yet they chose to meet up with dan,mubs and me so late at night..10pm juz to have dinner and chit chat with us..haha..touched i am indeed..sniffles..T_T..haha..we left the foodcourt at 11..coz we don wanna miss the last bus home..very expensive take taxi go home=X..sumore come of em contemplated walking home...tampines to tanah merah..crazy ah!!!haha..all in all..it was a great day..surrounded by ppl i love=D..heh..i still cant get over the fact that they travelled so far juz to spend 1 hr with us..haiz..true friends indeed..don u guys tease me over this!!!i will murder u guys!!!

ahem2..thats all..good nite..happy dreams..im off to bed myself!ja=D

10:01 PM ; smile'